Yesterday I wrote "You Have to Go In By Yourself." I was talking about my experience of clients shying away from what could have been a healing moment. An "aha" or a turning point. A breakthrough.
But how did I know what was happening with this client? The signs were subtle, but I've seen them many times. They are usually followed by the person feeling like they didn't take full advantage of their healing session. They'd hoped for a different outcome. They say, "Why do I keep self-sabotaging?"
I offer four types of healing modalities: reiki, massage, eft tapping, qi gong. To answer the question of how to stop self sabotag, here are the signs I notice when I person stops short of going all in on the healing process.
KEEP IN MIND: These observations are not judgements or indications that the person should be doing something different. That might seem contradictory according to the dichotomy I've set up below of defending vs allowing. Let me explain.
IT'S TRUE:
I AM saying that allowing is preferable to defending if healing is to occur.
HOWEVER:
To arrive at allowing, one must first BECOME AWARE OF, ACKNOWLEDGE AND ACCEPT the defending.
I'm only describing the defending/resistance/self-sabotage SO THAT someone might recognize it in themselves. This awareness is helpful because we need to notice our resistance before we can acknowledged and accept it.
We accept it and even express gratitude, because the body created it originally as a coping mechanism. Refusing to acknowledge the original good intention often makes it difficult to accept, and then forgive and let go.
I hope some of you recognize yourself in these descriptions, and use them to help you become conscious of resistance so you let it go with gratitude and ease!
Massage -
Defending:
As I focus on an area of strong contracture, the person may says something like, "You can press harder. I can take it." The pressure is already inciting the muscle maintain or increase its contraction, though. It's defending itself against an assault.
The person reads the increased pain and a good sign because they've been told "no pain no gain."
Allowing: Instead of pushing through the pain, we could decrease the pressure. The person could pay precise attention to the amount of pressure necessary for the muscle to relax. Often this causes an uncomfortable awareness of the body and the thing it's been defending against for possibly a very long time. It's new and uncomfortable, so the feeling of pain and defence is actually unconsciously preferred. When we realize this, we can set the intention to remain open and curious to what happens if we take an honest look at why the body is contracting.
Eft Tapping -
Defending: During the tapping process, the person refuses to acknowledge a thought/feeling/body sensation because they view it as negative. They do this because they have beeen taught that "negativity" is bad. They may say something like, "I feel anger and a tightness in my chest, but I know I should forgive the other person and I'm working on that."
Allowing: "I feel anger and tightness in my chest. I'm angry at this person and I realize I have been for a very long time. I feel it in my body in my thoughts and in my emotions. I'd like to say I forgive them, but I don't know how to do that yet. I'm afraid if I forgive them it's like letting them off the hook.
Reiki -
Defending: I feel the energy as closed and unreceptive to my presence. My hands feel it as dense, unmoving, or grayish. Sometimes I have the clairaudient experience of "What do you think you're doing here." This may occur even though the person has consciously chosen the reiki session and states the issue they want to heal. After the session they may state that they couldn't stop thinking; they fell asleep; or they may have relaxed a little but didn't feel the profound change they'd expected.
Allowing: I feel the energy as open and swirling. Light moves through the body. I may hear the words or get the feeling of, "Oh hello! I'm so happy to see you!" After the session the person feels lighter, hopeful, elated, or reports a lessening of symptoms.
Qi Gong -
Defending: The person is bored with slow, repetetive movements. Or they distract themselves by asking questions or chatting. They might be in fear of making a movement that will harm them or cause pain.
Allowing: They set their intention to stay present, open and curious. They bring their attention back if it wanders. They pay close attention to physical sensation and focus on adjusting their movements so they body stays comfortable and feels the healing benefits of the fresh flow of energy.
Remember, working with energy sometimes means becoming aware of our hidden or subconscious motives. No one is "accusing" you of resisting on purpose, so make sure you are not accusing yourself either! Only view your actions with honesty, and be open and curious as to how they may have come about. There's no shame or recrimination here, only a fresh opportunity for deeper self understanding and approval!
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